Sep 26, 2010

Waiting To Exhale


Does it ever stop? The worrying I mean. My son is almost 6 years old and I still hold my breath when I see him take off running. When he was learning to walk, he used to take falling in stride. He just laugh and get back up.

The first time he got really hurt was when he was about 3 and he tripped on the tile floor, fell on his face and busted his lip. He was a bloody mess and his mouth was sore for days. I remember that it took a while to convince him that brushing his teeth would not hurt after that.

Then there was the first time he skinned his knees falling on the road. He cried and limped for hours. I know it really hurt because I can still remember the pain of skinned elbows when I was learning to roller skate (no protective padding in my day).

He always healed up quickly of course, but I still haven't. The image of my baby's perfect body and skin, bruised and broken, never leaves me. Nowadays he spends most of his time trying to defy gravity in some form or another. I spend most of my day with my heart in my throat.

Don't get me wrong, I love to see him sail through the air and land on one leg. I love to watch his "cool new" dance moves and how he fails to see danger anywhere. I just want to know, when can I stop holding my breath? When he's 10, 15, 20 years old?

I fear I know the answer. The answer is never. As long as my baby is within my line of sight, I will rejoice in the way he moves and soars during the day but not feel completely safe until he his tucked into his bed, all in one piece, at night.


Lin said...

Wait until he grows older and the pain he endures is in his heart--kids can be so mean. And then there is no band-aid or ice pack to help heal the wounds. When your child is hurt, you hurt right along with them!

I'm not even going to tell you of when they get in the car and drive away ALONE for the first time. I still don't relax when they have the car. And now I have one away at college!!! The worry never ends!!

DJ said...

@Lin: Oh, I can't even imagine him driving off in a car, thanks for that image! Now I'll probably have a nightmare about it,lol.

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

Ah, yes. It's part of motherhood. And my preschooler gets his klutz gene from me.

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